Yogis are supposed to do and be so many things. We’re supposed to like green food and coconut water and tofu. We’re supposed to quote Rumi and wear dainty jewelry with little Ganesha figures on it. We’re supposed to take this thing called Yoga super seriously and live a life that’s so “present” and full of love that it just doesn’t even seem real. Well, if this is a test, I fail. Can you guys keep a secret?
1. I Wear Mascara & A Little Concealer To All My Classes
Call it whatever you want – egotistic or unnecessary – I just prefer not to look like I just rolled out of bed to show up here.
2. I Have No Idea If My Mala Beads Offer Me Protection Or Give Me Courage
I’m actually leaning towards not, especially the designer brands made in California, created by pretty, moccasin-wearing, BOHO white girls. I just like the way they look with whatever I’m wearing.
3. My iPod Plays Jay-Z, Psy, and Adele… Even In Class
Well, at least that genre. There’s more power in smiling and laughing and fun than feigning transformation over a breathy, singing prayer accompanied by a sitar. There’s something about flowing to a little Common that feels fresh and awesome to me.
4. Two Nights Ago I Had Sangria For Dinner
That same day, I ate real pancakes (none of that GF nonsense) and bacon for breakfast. I wish I had a picture of a green smoothie to show you instead… not really. #sorrynotsorry
5. While We’re On The Topic:
I do not think green smoothies taste good. Can we get off this bandwagon already? Green smoothies taste like lawnmower clippings and dirt and shame. I’m never all like, “Here’s my morning fuel: spinach juice!” “Fuel” in my house is comprised of caffeine, carbs, protein, and fat.
6. I Think I Might Only Remember About A Third Of The Sanskrit Names (A Generous Estimate) For The Poses I Teach
I don’t have any connection to India, I don’t practice Hinduism, and I don’t believe it makes anyone better or worse at yoga if you’ve committed these to memory or not.
7. Never, Not Even Once, Have I Ever Taught A Class And Wished I Could Be Doing Something Else
We say it about pizza and sex, but in this case, even a “bad” yoga class is still pretty awesome in my book. If I’m totally honest with you, I only practice to feed my teaching, but I teach to feed my life.