You've developed an interest in mindfulness and you're also thinking about ways that you and your partner can improve your sex life to keep the passion alive. But have you ever thought about combining the two? Read on for six ways that mindfulness can improve your sex life.
1. Being Fully Present
Let's start by taking a moment to define mindfulness. There are many definitions, but one of the simplest is this: being fully immersed in the present moment. In other words, when you are eating, just eat. When you are washing the dishes, just wash the dishes. Draw the mind back to the present moment whenever it drifts away.
The same came be applied to sex. By practicing mindfulness, you can increase your presence and focus with your partner. Rather than thinking about what position you'll try next, whether or not he or she will want to cuddle afterwards, the next time you're intimate with your partner, allow yourself to continuously return to the present moment. Being aware of your five senses or making eye contact are two great ways to apply this practice.
2. Balancing Your Own Chakras
In her classic book on the chakras, Wheels of Life, Anodea Judith writes about how sex affects the chakra system. Since chakras can be open, closed, or balanced, Judith explains that chronic avoidance of sex and sexuality can lead to a closed chakra, typically the second (sacral chakra). On the other hand, obsessive or compulsive sex often results in an excessively open second chakra.
By bringing mindfulness into the bedroom, you create space to notice yourself as a sexual being, just as you are, without judgment. The next time you and your partner are together, draw your attention to the energetic orange ball of light in the space between your belly button and pelvis.
Hold your attention there for several breaths and connect with yourself as a sexual being who has the right to feel pleasure. Talk to your partner about what you're experiencing and ask what they're feeling in that space.
3. Connecting Energetically
In addition to bringing your mind's attention to your own individual sexuality (held within the second chakra), we can also gain insights by joining our chakra system with our partner's.
Have you ever realized that when two people come together in an embrace, their chakras are pressed against one another from root to crown? This is the energetic explanation for why hugging other people feels so good.
Spend some time hugging as part of your sexual practice, noticing the flow of energy between your seven main chakras and your partner's. Hug each other several times a day. Draw your attention to the spaces where your bodies meet and feel the energy flowing between you and your beloved.
Perhaps you'll choose to carry this energy forward into a sexual encounter. Or it might lead you to a great conversation or exchange of feelings or ideas. Either way, it will help you to deepen your energetic connection.
4. Stress Less
In a recent article on the impact of mindfulness on sex, the authors cited stress as a "sex-killer." Mindfulness can be a tool to release worries about the future and past in order to be alive in the present moment—decreasing stress and increasing happiness.
When stress becomes more manageable and less persistent, you'll have more energy, time, and motivation to enjoy sex with your partner.
5. Noticing Your Partner's Cues
Did you notice your partner rubbing your back last night? Or how she winked at you while you were making dinner the other day? If you haven't been practicing mindfulness, those small cues might have gone unnoticed.
Noticing and acknowledging each other's cues is an important part of a healthy sex life, but we can't do that if we aren't paying attention. Try this: play a little game with your partner. Ask them to give you three romantic cues in the next twenty-four hours. See if you can notice them all.
6. Honoring Your Needs & Boundaries
In our intimate relationships, what's more important than trust? Many of us carry energies or hurts from past relationships that might influence our current feelings of safety or connectedness during sex. It's important to talk to our partner about those things so that they can be mindful of our needs, but we can't talk about them unless we realize them first ourselves.
The next time you and your partner come together on a physical level, bring your attention to your own emotions. Are there spaces where you feel uncomfortable or unsafe? Do you need your partner to slow down, to talk more (or less), or to use a gentler touch? When you mindfully acknowledge your own emotions, you'll be able to communicate them to your partner, deepening the bond of trust.
Creating a balanced and healthy sex life is an important part of our human experience. Consider sharing this article with your partner and choose one or more ideas that feel interesting or exciting. Bring them into your bedroom together and talk to one another about any realizations, questions, or surprises. Comment below to share anything you discover or tell us some other ways that you practice mindfulness in your sex life.
Image credit: Stephanie Birch