Let me begin by saying I had been practicing yoga for well over 10 years before I decided to take teacher training. Each time I would come close to enrolling, some great life event would take place, and training slipped in priority on my list of to do’s.
My practice had evolved, several times, from “I can do that pose” to “I can do that pose but choose not to,” and really felt I was ready to go deeper. But I had to finally have a heart to heart with myself to find out what was holding me back.
EGO and FEAR
Yep. There you go. The very things we are told to let go of in our practice were keeping me from taking mine deeper.
What exactly was my fear? No one would come to class. Yes, this could (and would) happen. The yoga community I have been such a part of the past decade might not welcome me as a teacher.
Wow. I said it out loud. We all have this need to be liked or loved. You alone are standing in front of a group of people and they are taking from you. “What are you willing to give?” -- I had to think about that. What was I willing to give? I had my answer: I wanted to give my love of yoga, regardless of any type of emotional payback.
Taking The Next Step
So, I took the next step and registered for training. It was perhaps the hardest, most rewarding, time of my practice. My aching body would be a reminder on Mondays after a grueling weekend of training, and at times I would actually utter the words “I hate yoga”…said lovingly of course.
It did in fact deepen my love for the practice and I began to understand my own practice better. That might sound crazy to some, “to understand one’s own practice better.” But what I mean is that I began to understand why I disliked doing certain poses. I started to ask myself questions like, “Is there emotion attached to that pose? Why do I hold back, and why at times do I feel the need to take it further?”
I’m not saying that taking teacher training will open up the answers to the universe, but it might open up a few answers in your own universe.
The Here And Now
I have begun teaching, and yes, there have been classes when no one shows. The whole “build it and they will come” sometimes doesn’t ring true.
But then there are the beginner classes that I teach, when someone will come up to me after class with that new yoga glow (you know what I’m talking about), and tell me how much they enjoyed the class. And then…I get a hug.
While getting paid doing something you love is fantastic, getting a hug at the end of your workday is sometimes all it takes to make the hours of training worthwhile.
by Mina Kashani - Mina feels her yoga journey began at birth when she entered the world in fetal position. Since then, she has worked to strengthen her practice, humor and writing. She is a 200 RYT and when not teaching can usually be found hiking or taking classes from one of the great yoga teachers in Nashville, where she lives with her husband and daughter.
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