I've dated a lot. I've dated the sweet guy. The musician (twice). The arty-guy. The 'guys' guy. I've even dated my best friend (three times...). And, all of this dating basically taught me one thing: You need to know and love yourself, in order to love anyone.
Love begets love. Everything else is just self-fulfilling.
You Are The Common Denominator In Your Relationships
They say that each interaction we have has the opportunity to teach and make us sweeter. I think opportunity is the key word in that statement. Sometimes, dating can feel less like an 'opportunity' and more like an exercise in self-judgment.
It boils down to this: It is easy to like ourselves when we like how we are showing up; but, how do we treat ourselves when we feel more exposed and vulnerable?
It’s just like on the mat, when your ego is challenged do you just shut down or can you enjoy the potential of what will happen? We can only get to 'next' when we open our hearts into now. Find the love now.
The Crux Of A Good Relationship
Notice what kind of relationship you are in / building / want. How do you describe this relationship? Remember, the crux of a good relationship is not romance or finances or even sex! The crux of a good relationship is how you relate to and receive your own vulnerability with another person.
Notice when your guard drops around your partner, how do you respond? Do you fight? Do you numb? Do you receive love?
We all come into situations that make us feel ashamed or scared—can you love those parts of yourself too? And, can you not past-narrate based on things that have happened? Only you see through the lens of your past. Each time you show up with a new person you must remember that their lens is different! Keep a window open for the delightful levity of a person not being mired in your self-talk drama.
Sometimes, it actually is that simple! Your partner receives you as you show up. In their eyes, you might actually be a perfect fit for them. So stop the past, demeaning rehtorical BS! If you are always begrudging yourself about what has happened, you lose the chance to be present.
Instead, be loving. And, be loved!